It's a funny thing about The Dirt (more commonly known to the world as "The Mötley Crüe Book.") Everyone I know has read it, yet I only know one person who actually bought the thing. Considering how many people I know who have read it, I figure that there are at least three copies circulating around town. But I don't know who bought it! I even have a resourceful friend who took a can of Cheese Puffs and a Dr. Pepper to his local Barnes and Noble and read it there.
The Mötley Crüe book is an essential read, provided you don't have to pay for it. I had to wait so long for a copy to get passed on to me that I considered checking it out of the library. But I didn't have a library card at the time, and I got the giggles every time I imagined myself going into the library, signing up for a card, and making my first withdrawal in the form of the Mötley Crüe book. It seemed like literacy abuse.
Speaking of literacy abuse, I didn't think I was going to make it through the book after I read the first Tommy Lee chapter. Each chapter is a different band member giving his point of view. They all mesh to form the magical tale of Mötley Crüe. But that first chapter of Tommy's is a doozy. The man says "dude" a lot. But then his chapters became readable. I can only assume that the author who assembled all of the band interviews into a coherent book became ruthless with his editing.
Now, I had been told that the book is sleazy. I had been warned that just when I thought that it couldn't get any sleazier, or any more rock and roll, I would read the next chapter and they would top themselves. And it was true. But since so many people had prepared me for it, it wasn't especially shocking.
What was shocking, was how much I love Mick Mars. Mick Mars has always been the creepy one. The one who doesn't talk. The crabby old guy. Finally, we find out why. He has a degenerative disease that makes things like moving around uncomfortable. He mentioned that he envied Nikki and Vince for being able to hop into the crowd, but if Mick himself tried that, he would have to be hospitalized. He missed out on part of the Mötley Crüe experience because of a disease.
So the book provided a way to understand why Mick Mars is so grouchy. And it made him appear to be the most interesting of the lot. He doesn't have as much scandal as the others, but he is able to tell stories about how he was in grade school in the fifties. What? A member of Mötley Crüe remembers "duck and cover" drills? Vince and Tommy weren't even born in the fifties! Mick is old! Therefore, he rules! Poor Mick also had a girlfriend who beat him up all the time. That doesn't rule. His back hurts, lady, give him a break!
Vince and Nikki and Tommy mostly like to talk about chicks and drugs. Oh yeah, and overdoses and rehab. Those three all have many, many stories regarding chicks, drugs, overdoses, rehab, or some combination of the four.
But there is one story that makes me recommend the Mötley Crüe book. It comes late in the book, when Nikki was finally, finally sober for an extended period of time. It turned out that since he had been drunk and/or high and in a rock and roll band for most of his life, he had no idea how to date in the real world, a.k.a. the world without heroin. So he got set up on a blind date.
Hee-hee! Nikki Sixx on a blind date! He went to pick her up, and he thought she was lame, so he took her to a place he thought was suitably lame. He took her to Chili's. The book needs to be read for no other reason than to savor the idea of Nikki Sixx on a blind date at Chili's. When he dropped her off, she invited him to stay and watch COPS. He passed. She said it was a really good episode. She was a big fan of COPS, and Nikki was not coping.
It was the most entertaining story in the whole book. So, read The Dirt as soon as you can, as long as you can find someone who will loan you a copy. Or, get some snacks and go to Barnes and Noble. Because the Mötley Crüe book is a must-read, but it is not a must-buy.