On January 7, 2002, WWF Superstar Triple H returned to wrestling after being out with an injury for 8 months. (World Wrestling Federation Entertainment, Inc. likes to refer to their most popular wrestlers as "Superstars." It makes me laugh.) Triple H's return had been plugged for weeks as the most exciting thing to happen in a long time. The announcers could not stop saying the phrase, "return of Triple H."
There were television commercials devoted solely to the "return of Triple H." And what song was playing on those commercials? Beautiful Day by U2. What? They were showing clips of this big huge greasy guy getting wheeled into surgery, learning to walk on his bad leg again, and working out his big huge greasy upper body, and they were playing U2? It made no sense. (I guess Bono often features a big huge greasy hairdo. Maybe it makes a little sense.)
So, on January 7th, at the end of the Monday night wrestling show, the "return of Triple H" finally happened. His entrance music started blaring. And it was much cooler than U2. It was Motörhead! So he came out, and struck a pose, and dumped some water over his head. (I don't get why that's cool.) Then he walked (in his big huge greasy way) down the ramp to his extremely loud Motörhead song.
Then he spit out some water. Then he proceeded to go to each corner of the ring and pose. And then it was time to spit more water. And the flashbulbs snapped. So he posed some more. And spit water again. And then the flashbulbs went off in my head. I turned to my wrestling friends and said, "His job is to pose to Motörhead! That is in his job description! I want that job!"
Wouldn't you know, three days later, I found myself unemployed. And each week I look through the Sunday classifieds for something that will fit in with my school schedule. But mostly, I am secretly hoping that I will find an ad that says, "Job Duties Include Posing To Motörhead." But I haven't found one yet. Maybe some companies consider that a surprise benefit. Like you don't find out that "posing to Motörhead" is part of the job until the interview.
I was talking about this with my friend Modern Jeremy, and he wondered what would happen if I did find an ad that included the phrase "posing to Motörhead." He said, "Can you imagine the interview? Motörhead starts up; you kick in the door to the office, and spit water all over the interviewer. They say, 'Thanks. We'll be in touch' and that's it."
That is what I am looking for! A job with many of the same qualifications that Triple H enjoys. (I hope he enjoys his job requirements, they're so cool!) I want the Triple H dress code! He always wears a leather jacket and jeans---I have that outfit! He is expected to wear the same outfit whenever he works---I could do that! I want to show up to work in my leather jacket, spit some water, pose to Motörhead, maybe pick a fight with the owner of the company, and go home. That's how Triple H makes his living.
If you know of any jobs like this, email me at once. And you can be sure that when Rocksnobs goes from one person to a giant Rocksnobby empire, "posing to Motörhead" will be featured in my newspaper ads. Prominently.