In the middle of a conversation about Def Leppard, and how it is impossible to get tired of the song Pour Some Sugar On Me, LCG turned to me and said, "Do you know who I am sick of?"
"Who?"
"Guns N' Roses."
As much as he loves Appetite For Destruction, he is finally done. Up until about two weeks ago, he could still listen to Paradise City. But no more. He has reached his Paradise City saturation point. I myself was sick of Paradise City about six years ago, but that is just me. LCG then went on to tell me that he got tired of Welcome To The Jungle a long time ago. This shocked me. "Really," said I, "Welcome To The Jungle still makes me dance. I like this one guitar part."
I proceeded to hum said guitar part, as he explained to me why he is tired of Welcome To The Jungle. "Well. I watch football." I do not, but apparently the song is played at every single kickoff. So, we are both pretty much done with Guns N' Roses, but isn't it nice that it took 15 years to get tired of Appetite For Destruction?
But I am starting to wonder. What happened to Guns N' Roses? Not literally, I know what they are all doing now, but, what happened to Guns N' Roses? Were they really one of the most promising bands of the late 1980s, or was Appetite For Destruction just a fluke? Do they have the Ace Frehley Syndrome, where they just had the one good record in them and that was it?
Because Appetite For Destruction is a great record, a huge record. Everyone loved Guns N' Roses. The original cover art was banned. Great move. Stir up some controversy with the music. Make your first pressing an instant collectable. The self released EP on their own Uzi Suicide label that came before Appetite For Destruction was also highly sought after. They were HUGE.
So then what happened?
Lies. What was that? An EP?! That's all they've got for me? An EP?! A couple of new songs on one side, and a re-release of the Like A Suicide EP on the other side. Sure, Patience was a big hit, but it didn't rock! It didn't rock at all. And what was that video about? Why was Duff carrying a tray? Why do they suck all of a sudden? Then they recorded a version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and it was everywhere. And that sucked too.
Then came the shakeups. Steven Adler is out; the guy from The Cult is in. I hate lineup changes! Then they got a keyboard player. What? That doesn't fit in with their dirty rock and roll image. I was disgusted. Somewhere in there Axl had a highly publicized marriage to a daughter of one of the Everly Brothers. He increased his own celebrity value by marrying the child of a celebrity.
And then my teenage trauma set in. Izzy left the band. I heard Axl's press conference on the radio, and he was claiming that Izzy didn't have that much to do with the direction of the band anymore. It was all Axl and Slash. The press conference made me cry. That's right, I cried the day Izzy left Guns N' Roses.
Then came the waiting. And the waiting. And I stopped caring. Then came the Use Your Illusions. I caved in and bought them, for reasons that escape me. They aren't very good. That is all I can remember about the Use Your Illusions. I also recall that the token good song was the one written solely by Izzy.
Then there were the overblown videos. At the time of the most overblown video, I hadn't talked to A.L. in several months, but when I did, one of the first things she said to me was, "Do you know what I don't understand?" Because we are both related by blood and eerily similar in general, I said, "The video for November Rain?" "Yes!" We then spent almost an hour dissecting the video, and why it was stupid, and why we hated Axl. Then we discussed the outfits of the attendees of the wedding in the video.
Man. November Rain. Why the orchestra? Why was there attempted comedy? Oops! Slash lost the ring. Oh! Duff has it! It's a laugh a minute when Slash and Duff are around! What had happened to my Guns N' Roses? What had happened to the non-showered, not so fresh rock and roll band from the Welcome To The Jungle video, a mere five years earlier? In a relatively short time, they had gone from grimy, icky guys to less grimy, less icky guys who dated supermodels. Which would have been fine, if they had released some decent damn albums in the process!
Then I stopped caring. Again. And this time, it was for good. The Spaghetti Incident? was a piece of crap. Period. Then everyone put out bad solo albums. Then the waiting began again. I quit waiting in 1990, but there are still people who await the new Guns N' Roses album. And at this point, why is it necessary? Appetite For Destruction was the only good album they had in them. It was a fluke, a beautiful fluke. So do what I do. Just take Appetite For Destruction for what it is, and pretend they never released anything else. It eases the pain, just a little bit.