Chirpy DJ voice: Oldies request line. What can I play for you?
Hesitant female voice: Um. My friend is getting married tomorrow...
And here is where I, in the driver's seat of my car, sit poised to scream and change the station. Because I know what comes next.
Hesitant female: ...could you play Going To The Chapel?
Chirpy DJ: Sure! Thanks for calling.
And the song starts up. And right on cue I scream and slam my hand against the radio. I hope I hit a button, it doesn't matter which button. I don't particularly care what I am going to hear as long as it isn't the freaking Dixie Cups again. Why should I have to suffer just because some ninny with no taste in music is getting married?
And another thing, the song is not called Going To The Chapel. The song is called Chapel Of Love. It would make me really happy if the no-taste mediocre sheep got it right once in a while. But they can't get it right! They're morons! They are the people that ruin my enjoyment of the oldies station with their crap taste and crap requests.
Because long before they ruin my evening by requesting Chapel Of Love, they ruin many of my evenings by calling up to request their girlfriend's favorite song which is, of course,Unchained Melody (which makes me positively ill).
And do you know what just makes me lose my appetite? If I ever meet another girl with brown eyes who "loves Van Morrison" yet only owns The Best Of Van Morrison, I am going to scream and tell them what I really think. I'm sick of being nice about it.
Know what else I am sick of? My name. If I meet you for the first time, and you reference either a certain Beatles song or a certain Guns 'N Roses song, I don't like you. I might relent if you collect LPs or own Queen II, but odds are very good that if you collect LPs or own Queen II, (or, best possible scenario, you own Queen II on LP) you are above the obvious references. Unfortunately, if you are above the obvious references, you are very much in the minority.
There is one more thing that the people of mediocre taste need to know. One final point I would like to make before I go hide under the blankets, because I know that somewhere in this world, there is a girl planning her wedding around a Bryan Adams song. Anyway, to the sheep of this world, I tell you this, for both informational purposes and for the sake of my sanity. The song is called Baba O'Riley. Please do not call up the classic rock station to request Teenage Wasteland. It is called Baba O'Riley. Learn the song title once, and it is yours for keeps.