Dear Geoff Tate,
Do you remember the first day we hung out? Not we as in Dragon and Geoff, not we as in Pirate and Geoff, not even we as in we three. We as in the Dragon/Pirate combo. Of course you don't remember! You weren't there! But you may as well have been.
Because the first day we hung out, we spent no less than two hours discussing our love of Queensrÿche. At one point I mentioned that I had been a tormented youth. The Pirate said, "You're sitting in a coffee shop talking about Queensrÿche. Of course you were a tormented youth." He had been a tormented youth as well. Why were we troubled teens? Because no one else we knew loved Queensrÿche. But we did. The Pirate got into fights defending Queensrÿche. Fights with guys in Deicide shirts, all because of you Geoff Tate.
We both had stories like that. So many fond stories. We each had concert stories and ratty old Queensrÿche shirts that we refuse to part with. My oldest shirt dates back to early 1989. Early 1989 Geoff Tate! I have loved you for that long. Let me tell you a story, Geoff Tate. The Pirate was late for band practice and I skipped school that day because talking about Queensrÿche was more important. We had other things to do! Do you hear me Geoff Tate? We had stuff to do that didn't involve you! And we neglected our duties! Why? We barely knew each other until that afternoon, but I had half an hour to kill and the Pirate liked Queen, so we went for a cup of coffee.
I didn't know that there would be bonding over Queensrÿche! I didn't know I would be discussing the thrill of Rage For Order! Geoff Tate, I found a Rocksnob compadre because of you! Because we loved you! You Geoff Tate! You! Do you remember breakfast, Geoff Tate? You, the Pirate, and Mindcrime Mom? Every Sunday morning you were there. They loved you. Their morning routine starred huge breakfasts and Queensrÿche videos. I wasn't there, but I remember. I heard the story at the coffee shop. You should remember too! The Pirate loved you! He hung chains from his drum kit, Geoff Tate. Are you mad that he loved Scott's chains? Is that why you lashed out?
Let me tell you another little story, Geoff Tate. The following week, I was late for school again. Why? Because I was standing in a parking lot while the Pirate re-created some of your memorable crowd banter from the Q2K tour. The now-legendary Walk In The Shadows segue! (Segue, by the way, was one of the vocabulary words I picked up from Operation: Mindcrime.) Geoff Tate, you were our hero.
And then I found out you were coming to town. And the Pirate was on his road trip. I counted the days (Six of them! Six days I counted, Geoff Tate!) until the Pirate would return. I don't pay him to be my personal assistant, but I had a tremendous employee bonus for him. I was taking him to your show! We counted the days! We were fully prepared to buy your album, learn it in five days, and swoon against the stage as if you were Tom Jones. Well, Geoff Tate, Tom Jones you are not. No ill advised project that Tom Jones has ever done can hold a candle to the ill advisedness of your ill advised solo career.
Can we even call it a career? No! If an ordinary solo artist had released such a debut album, it would have sold three copies, all to family members. The only reason that record will sell at all is because you are Geoff Tate, lead singer of Queensrÿche. Or, you used to be Geoff Tate, lead singer of Queensrÿche. Now you are a slacks wearing adult contemporary shadow of your formerly great metal singer self.
Geoff Tate, what did we ever do to you? Well, what did we ever do to you before your concert? You had no reason to turn on us. But you did, figuratively with your crap album. And then, at your show, you did literally. Yes, we giggled through your show. But it was friendly giggling. Yes, we had a notebook, but we were working! We all three were working at the show!
Yes, you saw the giggling, but did you see anything else? Did you see what happened when from behind I waved our newly acquired meet and greet passes in the face of the Pirate? Did he not turn around and give me a hug that picked me up off the floor? He did! Can that be mistaken for anything other than love for you Geoff Tate? I don't think so.
Was the giggling that bad? We were so excited to meet you. Yes, we sat in the corner giggling during the meet and greet, but we were excited! Excited that your show hadn't sucked! Excited that we had put you on a need to know basis. And, by the way, it's your fault that you were wearing that awful Hawaiian shirt that made us giggle.
So, why the snubbing? Did we really deserve to be snubbed? Did we? I can guarantee that you will come across much worse fans than us on the course of you ill advised solo venture. Do you not love us because we left our Queensrÿche gear at home? We were trying to respect your solo career. Obviously we are Queensrÿche fans, we would not have been there if we weren't.
But would you have likes us better if we had been wearing our tatty Queensrÿche shirts? If we had not giggled? If we had respected the fact that you were wearing sandals? Tell us, Geoff Tate, what did we do? Whatever it is, we will apologize. Just as soon as you throw away the Hawaiian shirt and sandals, put some leather pants back on, and apologize for your terrible crap album. Until then, we shall remain adversaries.
Sincerely,
DragonAttack and the Aspiring Pirate, Rocksnobs.
Bitter, sad, disillusioned Rocksnobs.