After the Thanksgiving episode of WWE Smackdown!, LCG and I were channel flipping and found a special about Elvis Presley. Right away we started belting out In The Ghetto, and then he switched stations. I started flailing my arms wildly. "Ooh! Wait! Wait! Go back! I may need to see that!"
Of course I needed to see it. As an American, the one thing I need is more information about Elvis Presley. I have nothing against Elvis, mind you. I like early wiggly Elvis, I like back-from-the-Army movie star Elvis, I like black leather comeback Elvis, and I like sweaty white jumpsuit Elvis. I like them all! But I didn't have a lot of faith in the show's potential, because at this point, there is not much new stuff to find out. There are no more shocking secrets about the country boy from Mississippi who changed the world. Especially on this show. It was a network special, not one of those delightful PBS or VH1 products.
But I could not let it go by without taking a peek. I needed to see who they had talked to. Any rock and roll documentary worth anything contains commentary by Steve Cropper. I happen to think that the best way to judge a rock and roll special is by the people interviewed, and Steve Cropper is number one on my hit parade. I love Steve Cropper. He is well spoken and knowledgeable, and seems like an overall great guy. When I see him in one of his ugly shirts, I know he is going to add quality. And since he started out in the era right after Elvis, and is from the South, I figured he would have something to say about Elvis. Something fabulous. I loooove Steve Cropper. So my focus was no longer on Elvis, but on Steve Cropper, and I was giddy with hope as another commentary segment came up.
Steve Cropper? Quincy Jones. I have no problem with Quincy. No one can question his musical importance, so he is a commentator to be taken seriously. Chuck D. Okay. They were comparing current rap to Elvis, so it made sense to talk to Chuck D. (he always has something interesting to say.) As long as they were talking about rap, I started hoping for an appearance by Dr. Dre, because he's so dreamy. I love his denim outfits! But instead, I got Kid Rock. Um. Hmmm. That's a reach. I was pretty miffed about Kid Rock being there, but I forgot all about it when Carson Daly appeared. Carson Daly. What? What?! I don't care what Carson Daly has to say about anything! Why does he get to talk about the King of Rock and Roll? As my irritation with the show grew, Carson Daly went and said the dumbest thing ever.
He said that Elvis wore more bling than today's rappers.
What?
Bling?
Carson Daly, you jackass.
I could have gone a long time without hearing the words bling and Elvis in the same sentence.
Bling is one of the reasons I don't listen to rap music. I am confused about bling. And bling-bling as well. (Is that hyphenated? I have NO idea.) It just baffles me. You can often find me in the car with LCG, listening to the rap station, shaking my head and looking bewildered. "LCG? I don't think I know anyone trying to impress me with bling. What's bling? I am impressed with boys that own Queen II."
Admittedly, my exposure to rap is limited to brief glimpses of the MTV, and the occasional listen to the local rap station, which is pretty much a top forty station without the boy bands, so I only get familiar with maybe five or ten rap songs at any given time. And for some reason, all of the ones I hear have to do with bling. (Or bling-bling.) I don't get it! I know that there is rap out there that is catchy, clever, and downright enjoyable, so why don't I get to hear any of it? I just get to hear about bling. (Or bling-bling.)
Currently in the WWE, one of the wrestlers has a terrible new persona, loosely based on Vanilla Ice. While watching the last pay-per-view, bling came up, I got confused, and Modern Jeremy took it upon himself to try to explain bling. It seems to have something to do with the amount of gold one wears.
Me: (Hopefully, struggling to grasp.) "I used to know a guy with a gold tooth."
Modern Jeremy: "Well, then he was wearing some bling."
Or was it working some bling? Sporting some bling? Modern Jeremy is too modern for me to keep up with. He then explained that if my friend with the gold tooth had worn jewelry too, that would have been bling-bling.
Me: "Sometimes he wore a large ring."
Modern Jeremy: "Then he was wearing his bling-bling."
He then tried to explain some other terms to me, the next couple of levels beyond bling-bling. I retained none of this information. Was one of them cha-ching? What? Is that right? I don't know. I just know that when I had my rap phase things were different.
My rap phase was in the fall of 1993, and it consisted of purchasing Licensed To Ill by the Beastie Boys, Raising Hell by RUN D.M.C., and the self-titled House Of Pain album. The first two I had to have, as they were flashbacks to my middle school years, and I didn't really listen to them all that much. But I did so love the House Of Pain. I understand get out yer seat and jump around. But not bling.
But I may not have to worry about that anymore, now that I think on it. Since Carson Daly has used that word on a special about Elvis, odds are good that it is no longer in style. That means I can start hoping that I will understand the next trend.