Not so long ago, I was in the car with LCG and we heard Band On The Run, so I did what I always do when I hear that song, or see the record, or someone mentions Wings in any capacity. I clenched my fist Rob Halford-style, and sang the line, "BAAAAAND on the run!" I hold the band note about three beats too many, and I do a Halford type hand gesture to go along with it.
And then I remembered the one thing I always forget. I get let down every time I hear the song, because Band On The Run never rocks as hard as I think it does. Disappointed, I turned to LCG and said, "Boy. I always think this song rocks so much harder, and I'm always sad when it doesn't." And then the solution popped into my mind, clear as any note Rob Halford has ever hit. A metal band needs to cover Band On The Run. And not just any metal band. Iron Maiden.
I believe deep down that Band On The Run is a metal song, and the only thing that kept it from becoming a hard rock masterpiece is the fact that Paul McCartney just doesn't have the metal pipes needed to put it across. That and the fact that Wings left their distortion pedals at home the day they recorded that song.
And let me point out that a song doesn't necessarily have to be written by a metal band to be metal. It just needs a certain quality that makes it, well, metal. I was discussing this a couple of years ago with Mr. E, who is easily the most metal of any metal guy I know, and I know an awful lot of metal guys. He was telling me that his band used to play Auf Wiedersehen by Cheap Trick, and I said, "That song is metal." And he agreed, although of course he wouldn't have been playing that song if it were not metal. But if Cheap Trick can get a metal seal of approval, so can Wings. Band On The Run is totally badass, and would be taken to its limit if placed in the capable hands of Iron Maiden.
First of all, I love the intro, because it is really an intro in three parts. Part one has that slow creeping riff that would be magical if it were translated into a triple axe attack. Part two is kind of funky. Well, as funky as Wings could be. Actually, it's probably more jaunty than funky. Either way, it would be an excellent chance for Iron Maiden to kick in with some heavy duty palm muting. And then! Then! Part three! The third part of the intro rules! There is that huge riff that leads into the main part of the song. Triple axe attacks and galloping triplets all around!
I was listening to the bass line, and it is abundantly clear to me that Steve Harris would (and should) cram between five and ten extra notes into each measure, which would be just fine with me. The tune would have to be sped up, but the vocal melody would have to be stretched out and/or slowed down. There are so many great opportunities to hold notes that Paul chose not to take. Bruce Dickinson could do wonders with every single note of the song.
And the lyrical content! The lyrics are Iron Maiden Lite. He's stuck inside these four walls, and there are references to the jailer man. And the undertaker! You can't have an Iron Maiden song without some sort of mystical dude. An undertaker is just Maiden Lite. And the undertaker in the song drew a heavy sigh. It's not mythological, but it's still kind of metal. (I am doing my darndest here to avoid making some sort of obvious WWE/ Undertaker reference. Trying...trying...whew.)
And then there is the whole town searching for the Band On The Run. More watered down Iron Maiden. In a Maiden song it would be an angry mob holding lanterns, but since Paul never expressly says that they are not holding lanterns, we can just go ahead and assume that they are. There's also a village square mentioned, no doubt the gathering place for the Wings-chasing townsfolk.
But the local residents are out of luck. Because they (the band) never will be found! BAAAAAND on the run! BAAAAAND on the run! As much as I want to hear the entire song given the Iron Maiden treatment, what I want to hear most of all is what Bruce Dickinson would do with the line, "BAAAAAND on the run." As LCG and I listened to the song, I started telling him what I should be hearing in the Iron Maiden version, and I got really happy during the chorus. I started giving stage directions to Bruce Dickinson.
(BAAAAAND....) "Bruce! Hold that note!" (....on the run!) "Make a fist!" (BAAAAAND....) "Now put your foot up on the monitor!" (....on the run!) "Toss your head like in the video for Run To The Hills!" (The county judge....) "Bruce! Drag out judge! And do the same with grudge! Hold that note for four measures!" (....who held a grudge.) Et cetera.
The outro of the song has another pretty cool riff that is totally metal, but Wings didn't use a very aggressive guitar tone. The Iron Maiden version would contain a mighty triple axe attack to finish the song off the way it started out. With power! With metal! With authority!
Don't get me wrong, the Wings version of Band On The Run is pretty good. It has lots of interesting things going on and I like it very much. I just happen to think that Iron Maiden could make this particular good song even better.