I don't know what you are thinking when you hear the words khaki shorts, but I'm going to lay odds that it isn't the same thing that I am thinking. You might think lightweight summer garment, or you may think something I have to wear to work at the discount department store or maybe you just smile and think of golf. I used to think item of clothing that I would never wear, but ever since my first Journey concert, khaki shorts mean something completely different to both LCG and myself.
The first time we went to see Journey was in 2001. That was the night we discovered that Journey was our favorite band and we didn't even know. That was also the day we discovered that we don't fit in with a large portion of the Journey crowd. As we were walking through the skyway to the arena, we took note that many people were wearing khaki shorts. Some of the attendees were wearing khaki shorts coupled with the most offensive of all footwear, sandals. Those outfits made us wonder if we were accidentally going to a Billy Joel show.
Anyway, we were about halfway through the concert and enjoying ourselves immensely when something changed our lives (or at least our vocabularies) forever. During one of the ballads, it was either Faithfully or Open Arms, I forget which, a nearby couple caught my eye.
The couple in question was composed of a man and a woman, and they were both wearing khaki shorts. That in itself was not the problem, even though I am not a fan of that particular fashion choice. The problem was, he was standing behind her with both arms wrapped around her waist, and they were swaying ever-so-gently in the way that people do at concerts when they want to slow dance but both parties still want to face the stage. If memory serves, their rhythm was off, therefore they weren't quite swaying in time to the song. I guess khaki shorts affect the metronome portion of the brain.
So I spy them, and I start giggling, and I nudge LCG and say, "Look! They are remembering their prom." (Dragon, you bitch!) At that particular point in time, LCG and I had plans to see the double bill of Warrant and Poison at the State Fair (which ended up being cancelled) and looking at that couple gave him what he considered to be a grand idea.
LCG: "We are so going to do that during Heaven. And! (Giggling. Much giggling.) And during Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Do you have any khaki shorts?"
Me: "Don't talk to me ever again."
LCG: (Still more giggling.)
For the rest of the summer, up until the show cancelled, whenever LCG heard Heaven on the radio (which happens more frequently than you might expect) he would call me up at work or home and sing a couple of lines, then announce, "They're playing our song! Ready for the show?"
Me: "I'm not swaying."
LCG: "That's what you think."
Me: "That's what I know. I'll go to the restroom when the song starts."
LCG: "I'll have you by the waist by then."
Me: "AAARRRRGH!"
LCG: "Just accept it."
Lucky for me, the show cancelled. Of course he didn't forget, and when we saw Poison in 2002 he made good on his promise. As soon as Something To Believe In started up I found myself locked in a swaying kung-fu grip and I was horrified.
Me: "What if people think we are serious?"
LCG: "You do have the C.C. DeVille hair. They know you are serious."
Me: "AAARRRRGH!"
LCG: "At least you're not wearing khaki shorts."
So anyway, in my world, the phrase khaki shorts loosely translates to lame couples fake slow dancing at concerts or the act of swaying to ballads at concerts. Next time you are at a show, take a look around. It's everywhere. In fact, it comes up so often (although this could be because I am all the time going to see washed up bands from the 80s) that I am creating the fifth Rocksnobs Rule Of Etiquette:
Rocksnobs should never engage in fake slow dancing (with or without rhythm) to a ballad. It is only acceptable if khaki shorts are not worn and the swaying occurs under extreme duress or as deeply amusing visual sarcasm.
Of course, it matters not if other people don't get the joke as long as you have a good time. Just be sure to check what you are wearing before engaging in any swaying-type activities. If you have on khaki shorts, just say no.