Yesterday I announced that I hate Chicago, but I would like to clarify exactly why I hate Chicago. It's really probably unfair, because I don't like it when people hate my town. Makes me all huffy. I have some friends who call it Minnehopeless and that irritates me to no end. Anyway, all of the Chicago readers probably now hate my guts. I understand. (Okay, all I got was a reader telling me this: "Chicago so obviously rules that your experience there must be an exception. That, and there's stupid people everywhere - even in the Twin Cities!")
No doubt about that, helpful reader. I had no quarrel at all with the people of Chicago. Ninety-nine percent of the people I met, including cab drivers, hotel staff and the general public were all top drawer. Sure there were some annoying people, but if I judged a city by the Saturday night drunks, I wouldn't be able to stand my own town.
I just don't think Chicago is very much fun. I realize that I am kind of breaking my own fourth rule of etiquette by making such an overblown generalization, but I can't help myself. There was nothing in downtown Chicago that I can't do at home. Or as LCG said, "Imagine that the Mall of America is chunky peanut butter. Then spread it all over downtown Minneapolis, which is the toast, and make sure to smear it past the edges, and that is Chicago."
Go ahead, fiercely defend Chicago. I understand. I just got off the phone with CEB, and he told me that he was going to send me hate mail because I don't like Chicago. Even local favorite CEB is mad at me about this! But we (LCG and me) were just a little disappointed. One of our goals was to get some Chicago deep dish pizza, and we went to get some at a place recommended by three unrelated parties, (one here, two in Chicago) and it wasn't as good as what we can get in St. Paul. I know! I know! I shouldn't judge a city by one pizza place!
Can I judge it by the fact that it isn't convenient to drive, leaving me with public transport? I had been to Chicago before, and had fond memories of the brilliant train system, mostly because it is neatly labeled, easy to use, and gives me the opportunity to peek into lots of windows on the way to my destination. But it takes forever. We stayed close to O'Hare, so we took a cab there and then took the train downtown. After seven hours in the car, another half-hour on a train wasn't a big thrill. (Not Chicago's fault, I get it.)
Another reason we were so disappointed is that we had really, really looked forward to being hillbillies. In our state we live in the biggest metro area, therefore no matter where we go in the state, we are from the big city. We were excited about going to a city so much bigger than ours so we could be Cletus-style slack jawed yokels. And we were just moderately bored. There was nothing downtown to gawk at like hillbillies.
Also, being in Chicago made me surly because it gave me flashbacks to my last visit. Last time I was there, I spent a couple of days with a childhood friend who had moved to Chicago after college. (Yes, we had been friends the whole time so there was no weird re-getting-acquainted period.) But she spent our entire time together talking to me like I was a hayseed and explaining the wonders of Chicago to me. She had turned into one of those rabid Chicago snobs after only living there for a year or two, and I didn't care for her attitude. Just because I want to act like a hillbilly doesn't mean you should talk down to me.
My other friend took me around Evanston and the Wrigley Field area, and I bought many Queen 12-inch singles. That was okay. I like Queen. I would have liked to re-visit those areas again, but I was tired. We finished eating at midnight and were far from Wrigley, and had we gone that would have made us even further away from the hotel, and we were travel weary already.
And another thing, we were freaked out by sports talk radio in Chicago. They actually talk about sports! When we turned on the radio, the host was reading the bio of a baseball player. What? They don't talk about sports very much on our sports talk radio, which is why I listen. In my world it would be more aptly called sports-based entertainment radio, and I love it. Chicago sports radio, much more serious. But now I'm just nitpicking.
So Chicago Rocksnobs, I understand that you love your town, I understand that lots of people love your town, but I don't fall into that category. In fact, LCG and I have already made a pact. The next time we go to a show in Chicago, we are staying next door to the venue and bringing the Playstation. We'll leave the hotel only for the concert, and everyone will be happy.