Dear Local Bands Of The World,
I know that you want people to attend your shows. I also know that the easiest and cheapest way for you to advertise is to print up flyers and/or posters, tack them up at record stores, and then hope that the posters will attract an audience. I think it's time that someone told you the truth. You are going to have to redesign those flyers if you want people (that you don't know on a first-name basis) to come see your band.
I see these printed materials all the time, because one of my favorite hobbies is trotting around town with LCG, visiting record stores. But since LCG has a lifestyle that involves looking for used DVDs and video games, we frequently end up in stores that don't have LPs. The DVD and video game crowd also tends to be the compact disc crowd, therefore when we visit LP-free stores, I spend more than my fair share of time scrutinizing your posters. And with very few exceptions, the posters are terrible.
Sometimes LCG will finish his browsing and I will still be standing at the poster wall, gaping in horror at the abominations of design that I see before me. We cannot stop ourselves from nitpicking, and have taken it upon ourselves to make a list of what should and should not be on your poster.
As a consumer of live music, here is what I want to know:
That is not only what I want to know, that is all I need to know. It's a variation on the old Who, What, When, Where, and Why rule, except I don't need the what or the why. Because the what is a show and the why is because that is what rock bands do. I only need Who, When, and Where. I need a minimum of information, and I need it neatly organized. If I have to look at a poster for more than ten seconds to figure out the date of the show, I will not be there.
But while neatness counts, it is not the only thing that counts. Please be advised that I will not attend your show if your poster contains any one of the following clichés:
Ransom-style lettering
It's hard to read and hasn't been original in over twenty years.
A still shot from Planet Of The Apes
Yeah. It was Earth. We know.
A photo of Clint Eastwood
Dirty Harry is off limits, as well as any picture of Clint from a Western. Don't go all cute on me and ask if you can use Clint Eastwood from The Bridges Of Madison County. The answer is still no.
Elvis Presley
Under no circumstance use a picture of Elvis on your flyer. Not early Elvis, not later years Elvis. I don't want to see Elvis in any capacity, but extra demerits go to any band using the photo of Elvis with Richard Nixon.
Childhood photos of the band members
If you want me to see the photo of you from second grade where you were wearing the argyle sweater vest, invite me over to your mom's house. She probably still has it displayed on a wall somewhere.
Pinup girls of the 1950s or 1960s
Says LCG: "If it's a rockabilly band or a swing band, then it's okay. But Jayne Mansfield is not punk rock."
There are other things that bug us, but the rules listed above have no exceptions. They are useless filler, because there are only five things necessary on your band's advertisement. In case you have forgotten already, here is what I need to know:
Of course, maybe you are having a CD release party. If that is the case, by all means mention it. Because then you have added a What/Why factor to your show. It's not just an ordinary evening anymore, it's a party!
But I do not recommend advertising things like Drink Specials on your flyer. While you look at the flyer and think, "More people will show up if we mention the dollar beers," I look at the flyer and think, "If they have to mention dollar beers I am probably going to need to spend twenty dollars on beer before they sound good." By mentioning the Drink Specials, you are telling me that you can't draw people with just your music.
The things I need to see (in a font that is easy to read) are:
But there may be something special you would like to add. Here I am talking not about drink specials, but about a picture of your band. This is fine, as long as it photocopies well. Photographic wackiness is not necessary, unless you have your picture taken in a field of yellow flowers. You know, like Bruce Dickinson in the Holy Smoke video. Fields of yellow flowers (especially if you have on pink t-shirts like Bruce) are just fine.
Otherwise, feel free to put on the clothes you normally wear when you play and line up in front of a brick wall or something. It worked okay for the Ramones. Just be aware that if you take a band photo in an alley, it does not automatically make you tough. (LCG: "Just ask the Ramones." I myself was thinking, "Two words. Skid. Row.")
But above all, please remember:
If you happen to book a show that is 18+ or All Ages, be sure to list that. It could double your audience, just because you are providing the kids with something to do. And if you don't know the time of the show when you make your posters, well, there's nothing you can do. Leave it off if you have to. But always include the day of the week as well as the date. My days off used to be Tuesdays and Fridays, so nothing was stopping me from seeing a band at midnight on a Monday. Adding the day of the week will also keep people from having to perform elaborate month math in their heads.
Furthermore, if you are playing a bar that holds less than two hundred people, you don't need to make a poster that is 11 X 17. Standard sized paper will be fine. And when you make your posters and/or flyers, keep them tidy. Stick to the necessary information, and squash your urge to show off your knowledge of Photoshop. You go ahead and flaunt your Photoshop skills in the artwork of your CD. People who buy your CD are already members of your audience, and they will take the time to admire every single campy, clever thing that you can cram into the pages of the booklet.
But while you are busy attracting an audience, stick to the basics, and I'll see you at your next show. You know, if I can read your poster.
Love,
DragonAttack, Design Critic, Music Fan, Rocksnob.