Under normal circumstances, I don't do much research for my articles. I usually just work from memory, but sometimes I will have to look up a date of birth, the year an album was released, where parentheses appear in a song title, or some other thing that I don't know off the top of my head. And then there are those times I get email from Aaaahj, and wind up spending a good chunk of time researching Kid Rock.
In this case, I don't know many facts about Kid Rock, and for the most part my only opinion on the topic of Kid Rock is, "I liked Bawitdaba when it came out." Oh, that's not true. I mean, it's true that I liked Bawitdaba, but I do have another opinion about him after all. I am also of the opinion that Kid Rock is not good looking. But since that is the extent of my knowledge about Kid Rock, I had to do some reading for my last article, and I still left some gaps. Fortunately, CEB, also working from memory, sent me some missing info.
If my memory is correct,
Kid Rock's last album, Cocky, was bombing. He released a song that he did with Sheryl Crow on the album as a single. Her label wouldn't allow it as a single with Sheryl on it. He re-recorded it with a country singer (I don't remember or care who it was). It was a big hit for country stations and stimulated sales of his album. It actually sold well, but to a different market (country/pop).
As much as it pained me, I did some more reading on Kid Rock and found this to be true. Except that while he was re-recording with the other singer, Sheryl Crow's label granted permission, so she was on the single. I also learned that Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock are planning to make an EP or an LP. My head hurts even more now than it did on my first day of Kid Rock 101.
I did learn that Cocky sold two million copies. So, while it was tanking compared to Devil Without A Cause, (the Bawitdaba album) it still went double platinum. I always feel bad for artists when a record sells over a million and people call it a bomb. I once saw Madonna on television saying that critics claimed Erotica was a failure because it only sold two or three million copies. She scoffed at that and pointed out that yes, it had sold less than previous releases, but selling a few million records is not bombing. I will often watch reports about record sales, turn to LCG and say, "Remember what Madonna said..."
I think Madonna made that statement in her episode of Behind The Music, I don't recall for sure. I just remember delighting in her scorning of the critics. I also happen to think that Erotica record is pretty good, so I approved of her leaping to its defense. Yeah, I know, artists defending their albums shouldn't be a surprise, but there are people out there who try to ignore their less successful efforts.
Anyway, my head is about to split right open because I am worried that my new knowledge about Kid Rock has edged out something important, like the list of my favorite curly haired blond singers from England. Roger Daltrey.....okay! List is intact. Now all I have to do is hope that no more friends email about Kid Rock. I can't take a third day of Kid Rock research. The first day almost broke my brain, especially once I found out he had made the VH1's list of the 100 Sexiest Artists. When LCG picked me up from work that night, I was cross.
Me: "Guess what. Kid Rock made the VH1 100 Sexiest Artists list."
LCG: "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
Me: "Yep."
LCG: "How?"
Me: "It has to be the Bizarro list, because where is Bruce Dickinson?"
(I don't know why he even bothers reading the site. Conversations with me frequently turn into a preview of something I have written already or something I am going to write about eventually.)
LCG: "Are you sure the list with Bruce Dickinson isn't the Bizarro list?"
Me: "Shut up! My list is just 100 variations of Bruce."
LCG: "Hot Oil Bruce from his last concert is on the top of the list."
Me: "Yup."
LCG: "Followed by Space Pirate Bruce..."
Me: "HA!"
LCG: "...who is after young, fresh-faced, Run To The Hills Bruce."
Me: "Pouty lipped Bruce."
LCG: "Yes, but that Bruce is below Balancing On A Ledge Bruce."
Me: "What about Evoking Bruce?"
LCG: "Below Run To The Hills Bruce. Where is Bon Jovi Makeover Bruce?"
Me: "Definitely after Evoking Bruce."
LCG: "Grinning Holy Smoke Bruce in the pink shirt is at the bottom of the list."
Me: "Ew! I'll just leave the list at five so Holy Smoke Bruce isn't on there."
LCG: "Where is the Trooper Bruce? Oh, you don't like his pants. Never mind."
The list was made, but the following day I couldn't remember if I had the order straight, so I had to get a recap. Since he spends so much time making fun of my taste, he still remembered the rankings.
Me: "So, Hot Oil Bruce is first?"
LCG: "Hot Oil Bruce followed by Balancing On A Ledge Bruce."
Me: "They're practically the same Bruce."
LCG: "I know that. Then you have young Run To The Hills Bruce, then Space Pirate Bruce."
Me: "I like Space Pirate Bruce."
LCG: "I know. Then Bon Jovi Makeover Bruce. But what about Wrangler Bruce?"
Me: "Wrangler Bruce?"
LCG: "I know you love the Wranglers."
Me: "I do not! Well, maybe I do."
LCG: "Wrangler Bruce is also Fresh From Vacation Bruce."
Me: "I like Wrangler Bruce better than Bon Jovi Makeover Bruce because at least with Wrangler Bruce those highlights were real. What about Pilot Uniform Bruce?"
LCG: "I haven't seen him. I suppose you have."
Me: "Oh, it's pleasant."
LCG: "What does his hair look like?"
Me: "Short. No highlights."
LCG: "He doesn't have to be on the list."
Me: "But...yeah, okay."
So I had the list confirmed but I still had to call LCG during my lunch break.
Me: "So...the list is...?"
LCG: "Hot Oil Bruce."
Me: "Then Evoking Bruce?"
LCG: "No, that is Space Pirate Bruce."
Me: "I keep thinking Evoking Bruce is the same as Balancing Bruce."
LCG: "Nope."
Me: "Did you coin the phrase Space Pirate, or did you steal it from Aaaahj?"
LCG: "Someone on the Iron Maiden web site used it in the forums. There was a discussion about why they never play anything from Somewhere In Time and someone said that it is because Bruce is still mad that they made him dress up like a Space Pirate."
Me: "HA!"
Anyway, I finally got it straight, and the Rocksnobs Five Sexiest Artists List (with glossary) is as follows:
1. Hot Oil Bruce. - From his last concert with Iron Maiden in 1993. It looks like he gave his hair a hot oil treatment about half an hour before showtime. He is dressed head to toe in rock and roll leather and his hair looks fantastic.
2. Balancing On A Ledge Bruce. - From the video for The Evil That Men Do. Um, he is dressed head to toe in rock and roll leather and his hair looks fantastic.
3. Run To The Hills Bruce. - Again with the hair.
4. Space Pirate Bruce. - Also known as Evoking Bruce, from the video for Stranger In A Strange Land. He is wearing the most hideous outfit ever created, yet I cannot look away. The slits in both his sleeves and the sides of his trousers are horrible and unnecessary. Yet I cannot look away.
5. Wrangler Bruce. - Also known as Back From Vacation Bruce, from the video for Aces High. He has a tan and his hair is sun streaked and he is wearing Wrangler jeans.
Honorable Mention: Bon Jovi Makeover Bruce. - The first time LCG watched his Visions Of The Beast DVD and saw the video for The Wicker Man, he giggled himself silly. "They actually...tried...to make a video! And someone gave Bruce a Bon Jovi makeover! He still looks like Bruce...only more adult contemporary."
Me: "I like that video. VH1 played it for a couple of weeks when Brave New World came out."
LCG: "That doesn't change the fact that they cleaned Bruce up for the video."
Me: "Oh yeah."
Maybe I'll just keep the list at five.