Sometimes a random memory from my youth will start nagging at me, and I wonder why that particular event has chosen to surface. In this case I am not talking about the Lillian Axe song that has been going through my head for ten years, but an episode of Geraldo that I saw in 1989. It may have been early 1990, but I don't think so.
Back in 1989, the world of talk shows was very different. You could not flip through channels any time of day and find a talk show. There were only four big talk shows when I was young. Those were Donahue, Sally Jessy Raphaël, Oprah, and Geraldo. I don't think Maury Povich had a show yet. And these were not the boot camp-sending, paternity-testing talk shows of today. These shows would actually have people like authors as guests. They would talk about current events. For trash, you had to tune into the Morton Downey, Jr. show at midnight.
Although of the big four daytime talk shows that I can remember, Geraldo's was usually the trashiest. I never missed it. And one day in 1989, his topic was Rock Stars And Their Mothers. I believe that was how it was listed in the TV Guide. How could I resist such a program? I couldn't.
I remember it clear as day, but I have never found another person who saw the episode. My best friend in high school had actually taped it, so we watched it more than once, I think. That is the only explanation I have for the fact that I remember the panel of guests. The guests, by the way, were not exactly rock stars. They were more like rock musicians. No, they were more like guys who happened to be in rock bands. Anyway, the guests were the following four rock stars (and their mothers):
Joey Ramone (Okay, he is a rock star. Was a rock star.)
Steve West from Danger Danger
Joe LeSté from Bang Tango
Kristy "Krash" Majors from Pretty Boy Floyd
So, there you go. Geraldo hauled in some rock guys and their mothers and I have no idea why. But each guy (and his mother) left me with at least one baffling memory.
Joey Ramone
For some reason, Geraldo was trying to imply that Ramones music was violent, or some crap like that. His example tune was Beat On The Brat, and by way of answer, Joey's mother belted out the chorus. She was an overall Ramones enthusiast and obviously proud of him. If memory serves, Joey Ramone was the only guy who looked happy to be on television with his mother.
Steve West
I remember his mom as being a delightful lady who talked about how she just loved the whole band. Since her son was the drummer, band practice was always at her house and she knew all the band members. She raved on about what nice boys they were, and Steve looked embarrassed. He must have been worried that she was going to cramp his lifestyle. How could he tell Metal Edge that he trashed hotel rooms if his mom was all over national television talking about his good manners?
Joe LeSté
He had one of those mothers who had unswerving faith in his ability to become a pop star. She told stories of how he was so determined, and what a talented songwriter (she may have said poet-yecchh) he was. She also said something that made Joe squirm. I forget what it was.
Kristy "Krash" Majors
Of all the people on this show who were not rock stars, Kristy "Krash" Majors is the lowest on the alleged rock star totem pole. He was horrible. I believe he was wearing a flowing white shirt with black polka dots, made of the same type of fabric that the guys in Steelheart favored. It was one of those terrible billowy shirts that were often paired with leather pants to give the "rock star" the illusion of being both tough and sensitive.
Good old "Krash" mortified his mother by going into detail about the nature of his relationships with groupies. He said something that needed to be bleeped and his mother did not look happy. He's a jackass.
Or am I the jackass for remembering snippets of this episode in such vivid detail? I don't know anyone else who ever heard of this, not even the razor sharp CEB.
Me: "Do you remember that episode of Geraldo..."
CEB: "I never watched Geraldo."
Me: "But...but...not even when rock stars and their mothers were on?"
CEB: "I never watched Geraldo."
Me: "Fine."
After some fruitless Internet searches, the magic combination of Joe LeSté Geraldo finally turned up the evidence I wanted. I found some sites where people have lists of videos to trade, and at least two sites had the Geraldo episode. One had the episode title as Heavy Metal Moms. Maybe Rock Stars And Their Mothers wasn't the title after all.
But no matter what the actual title, I'm just glad I found proof that the episode actually happened. Now maybe that memory will stop nagging at me, and I can focus my energy on remembering the name of that Lillian Axe song.