My job is mostly downtime but when something does happen it's a big deal. I answer a help desk phone that never rings. But when it does ring, there is a software crisis somewhere in the world and I have to write it up now and find someone to fix it now. Because of this sporadic urgency, the phone is staffed twenty four hours a day, and each shift has a thirty minute overlap.
When I wander in at two in the afternoon, I sit down on the desk (we have a huge corner work area) and the morning shifter fills me in on what is going on. If nothing is happening (which is usually the case) we visit for half an hour, then she goes home and I start reading the newspaper. My job is swell until the overnight shift guy arrives. I think he's a robot.
When my relief shows up, he stands about two feet behind my chair and waits for me to log out and leave. He just stands there with his hands in his pockets. If he had change in his pockets, I bet he would jingle it impatiently. He seems nice enough (in a placid, expressionless kind of way) but I still don't like him. The only time I have ever seen him get enthusiastic about anything was during a discussion he had with a co-worker about snowmobiles.
Since he was so chatty that particular night, he suddenly decided to talk to me. Oh no. He noticed my tape player on the desk and asked, "Is that an MP3 player?" As if I would own an MP3 player! I tried to be cheerful and even sort of polite.
Me: No. It's a cassette player. I reject technology.
Jerk: You have technology on you right now.
Me: Huh? (I don't know, he made it sound like cooties.)
Jerk: Your headphones.
Well, no kidding you robot moron. How is it that he could think I was being literal for even a split second? When I said that I reject technology, I was wearing headphones, manning a phone, sitting in front of a computer and had my own phone sitting on the desk. Did he think that I was waiting for my horse-and-buggy carpool to arrive? Ass.
Me: (All patient, secretly wishing that since I have to deal with a robot he could at least be a cool drunk robot like my hero Bender) I reject selective technology. I don't have an MP3 player. Or a CD player.
Jerk: (In that oh-so-familiar sneering tone) So, do you have an 8-track player?
Me: I have two.
I think that is when the conversation ended. His circuits overloaded and I ran out the door before his system could reboot.
I secretly enjoyed this conversation because not two weeks ago, I was embracing technology. I think I was just trying to irritate the robot, because very recently technology was my best friend in the whole world. Thanks to technology I have a job that only makes me work when technology fails. Because of that I have lots of downtime so even though I was at work one Friday night, I was able to take dozens of personal calls (on my own phone-they don't care!) from LCG's Iron Maiden concert.
So technically technology was my second best friend in the entire world, because the Best. Friend. Ever. was the one operating the modern devices. Anyway, the magic of mobile phones made my Iron Maiden absentee attendance possible. The following night I got to hear the entire concert. Thank you technology! I don't reject mobile phones or the electricity that powered the Iron Maiden concert.
In fact, as far as I can tell I just reject MP3s and CDs. And I'd be a liar (or at least an omitter) if I didn't point out that one reason I don't own these items is because the outrage of others amuses me. Also, I'd rather have my money instead of a CD player. CDs are too expensive, and I still believe that new does not necessarily mean better. Unless someone makes me a new robot co-worker. There is no way that a new one could be worse.