Sometimes I will digress when telling a story and then dismiss the digression by saying that it's another story for another day. Offhand I can think of at least three or four times where I have done that and then never actually told the story on a different day. I thought of it because last week I mentioned Mustachioed Bruce and then wrote it off as something to talk about a different time. And that time is now.
The fact that Bruce Dickinson used to have a moustache is funny for many reasons, but I think it also proves an important point. Bruce Dickinson must be a fan of Freddie Mercury. When I see a picture of Bruce with the moustache there is no doubt in my mind that he was copying Freddie Mercury.
When the Iron Maiden phase started, LCG and I naturally had to find out what the members of Maiden did before they were in Iron Maiden. Well, not so much in LCG's case because his favorite member is Steve Harris and Steve Harris has always been in Iron Maiden. But my preference for Bruce Dickinson led me to develop an interest in his pre-Maiden band, Samson.
To a lesser extent, LCG and I also embraced Urchin, the band that once contained Adrian Smith. We saw a couple of Urchin snippets in an Iron Maiden video and I flipped. But that is another story for another day. No, not really. The full story is: When Adrian was in Urchin he was really young and really cute and that is why I decided that Urchin was my new favorite band. Well, after Samson of course.
I learned many important things about Bruce's days in Samson, most importantly that when he was in Samson he was called Bruce Bruce. Apparently it is a Monty Python reference, but since I don't steal jokes from Monty Python, I don't know if that is true or not. I do know that LCG and I now refer to him as Bruce Bruce. I told Aaaahj that I was trying to bring back calling him Bruce Bruce and Aaaahj said, "Uh, I don't think he's going to like that." I pointed out that I don't think Bruce Bruce is going to find out. Even CEB calls him Bruce Bruce now! It's all the rage.
So my extreme need to own Samson records with Bruce Bruce landed me at Aaaahj's shop, although I know that an item like that at Aaaahj's shop would be hideously overpriced and I would not in good conscience be able to buy it. Or I would just hassle Aaaahj until he gave me a discount. Or I would go crying to Mr. E to get the price dropped. Or I would just snap and buy it. All are likely scenarios.
But finding a Bruce Bruce Samson LP is just a dream right now. They only had post-Bruce Bruce albums in stock. But I was directed to the CD section, where they had a variety of Samson CDs. I opened the booklet of one and was confronted with The Picture. The Picture made me laugh until I was dripping tears all over the floor. LCG managed to pry the booklet out of my grasp and had a look for himself. And then he said, "Do you need this?" (I was unemployed at the time.)
Me: No?
LCG: Are you sure?
Me: (useless and giddy) Um? Bruce Bruce?
LCG: Do you want this or the Wildest Dreams 45?
Me: Bruce Bruce!
I took the booklet back so I could laugh some more.
Me: Is it just me or did he really want to be Freddie Mercury?
LCG: Possibly.
Me: Because you can not tell me that it was the style at the time to look like that.
LCG: It was the seventies.
Me: Yes, but I like to believe that in the seventies only Freddie Mercury actually looked like that.
LCG: Bruce Bruce looked like that.
Me: Shut up. It's because he loves Freddie Mercury. It has to be.
Oh, no. OH NO. It occurs to me now that Freddie didn't grow his moustache until '80 or '81. Right after it occurred to me, my work phone rang. LCG was calling me back! Too bad I don't remember why I called him.
LCG: So, those long practices worked out for the Wild, huh? (3-0 shutout over Edmonton.)
Me: It's been a really good game but I just realized that Freddie Mercury didn't grow his moustache until 1980 or 1981.
LCG: So it was the style at the time.
Me: I just can't believe that.
LCG: Well, in the book it says that Bruce loves him some, what's the lead singer of Deep Purple's name, Ian Gillan. Maybe he wanted to look like Ian Gillan.
Me: I'll have to go find a picture of Deep Purple.
LCG: Oh, you know what Deep Purple looked like. They looked like Blue Öyster Cult.
Me: Man, I can't believe he looked like that on purpose. This blows my whole article.
Or does it? Maybe it just ruins my moustache theory. Because that doesn't change the fact that I found a pre-Samson picture of Bruce Bruce and it appears that he is wearing spandex shorts. Scream with horror, I know I did. (Scream with horror for me Long Beach!) I like to believe that spandex shorts are a good indicator of imitating Freddie.
Anyway, I was not speaking of a picture, I was speaking of The Picture. Young Bruce Bruce was sporting a large moustache which I find troublesome for two reasons. First, Bruce Bruce was obscuring a goodly portion of his fabulous twenty-one year old face. Second, I don't think any of my friends could have grown such a giant caterpillar of a moustache at the age of twenty-one. Most of my friends couldn't even grow facial hair that wasn't patchy until they were well over twenty five.
So in The Picture, Bruce Bruce has the big moustache. He has a Freddie Mercury Jazz-era type haircut with a slightly different texture (read: greasier than Freddie). One hand is clutching the microphone, the other has a firm grip on the microphone stand halfway down. His head is tossed back in a perfect Freddie Mercury pose. He is wearing a vest with no shirt that flaunts his many chest hairs and completes the look with tight pants, a big belt, and studded wrist cuffs. He looks like Freddie Mercury's younger, hairier clone. He had to be inspired by Freddie Mercury.
Except...Freddie didn't have the moustache then. Maybe Bruce Bruce really did look like that on purpose. If that was indeed the style at the time I may have to quit residing in the year 1977. Or I will just have to decide that I love the Bruce Bruce look.