Today's regularly scheduled article about Roger Daltrey has been pre-empted so I can bring you important breaking news. And by important I mean stupid.
Yesterday afternoon I was hanging around LCG's house before work when he saw a very special item on the Yahoo! main page. The headline read Bret Michaels Trying Out Country Music.
I repeat, Bret Michaels Trying Out Country Music.
This didn't really surprise me, because when I was doing my unfortunate Poison research a few weeks ago I paid a visit to the Bret Michaels web site. In the list of recordings that he has for sale, one of them is called Country Demos. The site claims that these demos are unfinished but since there were bootlegs circulating, Bret just decided to sell them himself. Just what I always wanted! Crappy Nashville demos from 1995 recorded by Bret Michaels! Neat!
Now, a few weeks before I found that listing, LCG had formed his latest plot to irritate me. This time the plan involved taking me to see Bret Michaels. He thought it would be the most fun ever.
LCG: Who is the worst artist that could come to town? Think male solo artists.
Me: Jason Mraz!
LCG: No, guess again!
Me: Oh, no. Not Bret Michaels.
LCG: Hee! Yep! We're going.
Me: I am not going.
LCG: Ev-ry roooooose has....
Me: SHUT UP!
LCG: Ooh! Ooh! And Richie Cunningham will have to go too so we can serenade you during Ride The Wind.
Me: I hate you both so much.
LCG: Hee!
Me: I have to work that night.
LCG: It's a late show. Doors open at nine. You'll be there with plenty of time to spare.
Me: NO.
LCG: Come on, don't you want to hear more of his sincere crowd banter?
Me: Shut up.
LCG: Hee-hee!
Me: Fine! I'll go see Bret Michaels if you grow a moustache.
LCG: Okay.
Me: Crap! I don't want to go see Bret Michaels and I certainly don't want to go with you if you have a moustache!
So I had already been roped into seeing Bret Michaels when I found out that he had a CD called Country Demos. When I saw that, I got a cartoon light bulb over my head. The bad kind of cartoon light bulb.
Me: Bret Michaels recorded some country demos. I have a dollar that says at his concert he plays a Johnny Cash song. Bandwagon hopping bastard.
LCG: Oh, I bet he does.
Me: And we'll have to listen to some long winded discussion of how Johnny Cash was so important to him and on and on and then we'll have to hear a crappy version of I Walk The Line. Great.
But then a couple of weeks ago I got the best phone call ever. Poison got the KISS tour! All Bret Michaels solo dates cancelled! Hooray for KISS and their never-ending reunion tour! That enabled me to avoid seeing Bret Michaels and LCG was able to shave his facial hair. He had stopped shaving entirely, planning to shave everything but the moustache when the time came to see Bret Michaels. Thank you, KISS.
So I was able to forget all about Bret Michaels until yesterday. LCG was absolutely elated at the idea of Bret Michaels releasing a country album. He was sitting at his computer clapping his hands with glee.
LCG: This is so great!
Me: Uh-huh.
LCG: Finally, something you and your parents can both enjoy! Instead of Poison tearing you apart, the music will bring you together!
Me: My parents are not going to buy a Bret Michaels album.
LCG: They might! And then you can go to the concert in your Poison shirt and tease your hair and your parents can wear their cowboy hats and everyone will be happy!
Me: My parents are not going to a Bret Michaels concert.
LCG: They might! And you can go and you will have Bret Michaels to thank for making music that you and your parents can share.
Me: I don't like you.
I think it goes without saying that I will not be attending a Bret Michaels country show. Unless of course LCG grows a moustache. Uh-oh. Well, maybe Bret Michaels won't come to town supporting his country album. Otherwise, I guess I'll see you at the show.