There is a commercial that has been out for several weeks now, and for several weeks I have been trying to avoid acknowledging that it exists. I mean, I've seen it but I didn't want to talk about it because if I talk about it I am in danger of slipping into Beavis and Butthead territory.
It's safe to say that on average I slip into Beavis and Butthead mode at least once a day, but that is by choice and not by force. But this commercial sucks so much that I am going to take the chance of a forced Beavis reaction. A while back I got an instant message from Megala that read something along the lines of, "Oh no! The Viagra commercial with WATC just came on!" Since she is a modern gal she is all the time using IM abbreviations that I need her to translate so I responded with, "WATC?"
It stood for We Are The Champions.
Because there is a Viagra commercial that is set to We Are The Champions.
Oh, no.
It's a good thing I had advance warning too, because I saw it myself within the next couple of days. I didn't make it through the whole thing but apparently it is just dudes running down the street (in slow motion) while We Are The Champions plays. I'm not the only one that dislikes this particular genre of commercial, but this one is too much. We Are The Champions? Man.
I haven't seen it since, but this weekend I got a special phone call from LCG. Of course, every phone call from LCG is special but this one was about We Are The Champions. I was in the middle of a nap because having a nap was preferable to unpacking when my phone rang.
Me: Hul-lo?
LCG: Who owns the rights to We Are The Champions?
Me: Uhhh, Freddie Mercury wrote it but I don't know who inherited the rights to his songs. I'm guessing it was Mary Austin. Why?
LCG: I don't know if I should say.
Me: Oh, the Viagra commercial. I told you about it like three weeks ago.
LCG: I know, but...now that I've actually seen it...it's different.
Me: Isn't it awful? Those guys are running in slow motion because they are the wiener champions.
LCG: I mean, it's been bastardized before for sporting events, but...
Me: But now it's blaring because these guys have champion wieners.
LCG: It's just...
Me: I know.
LCG: Well, at least they aren't using it in Enzyte commercials. I know those are your very favorite.
Me: Ew! The creepy guy! The creepy whistling music in the background! AAAAH! We Are The Champions isn't creepy enough for those commercials.
Lousy Enzyte commercials ruining my enjoyment of the hockey playoffs. Are they the only sponsor that ESPN can find? And why do they always run the two commercials back to back? It hurts me. Luckily LCG is quick on the remote control draw and always switches the channel when an Enzyte ad starts up. He is an excellent host. But I don't want to miss one single minute of Barry Melrose and his slick hairdo and that is hard to do when there are Enzyte commercials in my way. Heh. I said "hard."
Anyway, LCG thinks that I was much more upset about the We Will Rock You soda commercial than the We Are The Champions commercial and he may be right. The We Will Rock You commercial wore me down so now I just don't care what Queen does with their music. There is also a commercial for a search engine that uses You're My Best Friend. I don't care for that one because even though it is tasteful by comparison I believe the song is being used out of context. Didn't John Deacon write that song for his wife? I don't care how much you love your search engine, using that song is warping the original intent.
But since Queen no longer seems to care about original intent, why don't they sell the rights to some deeper cuts? Great King Rat is a natural partner for a pest control service. Sheer Heart Attack would be perfect for a high blood pressure drug. Seaside Rendezvous could advertise a resort hotel, and I don't know why auto dealers aren't clamoring for I'm In Love With My Car. If the Queen catalog is going to be ruined, it should at least be ruined in an imaginative fashion.