The Darkness is this generation's Poison and I hate them. In this case the word them refers to The Darkness, but it could just as easily be applied to Poison. I'm still mad about their cover of Squeeze Box. But that doesn't matter right now. What matters right now is that I hate The Darkness.
I have managed to go quite some time without mentioning it, but that is because I have successfully avoided all news about The Darkness for a couple of months. Then a few weeks ago EQ was reading People magazine and sent me a snippet. Some member of The Darkness claimed that they are like an '80s band with the benefit of hindsight.
Excuse me? What exactly does that mean? Are they saying that they learned from Poison's mistakes and know that they should mask the fact that they suck? Although '80s band is a fairly generic term, so maybe they learned something from Wham! that they would like to share with the class. Of course if they do want to share I will flip the page of the magazine or change the channel because I don't care.
I was really excited about my new assessment of The Darkness (which had actually occurred to me a couple of months back, but I forgot about it until I heard that statement) and decided to test it out on LCG. Unfortunately that gave him a chance to make fun of my Poison-loving youth, but he would have done that anyway. He is the master of working that into any conversation.
Me: Check it out! The Darkness is this generation's Poison.
LCG: Hmmm...I don't know...
Me: Like everyone loves them now but in ten years people will realize how much they suck. It took me that long to figure out that Poison sucked.
LCG: You used to take Poison seriously.
Me: Shut up.
LCG: Do you know who is this generation's Poison? Nickelback. And Three Doors Down.
Me: How so?
LCG: Because I know people who don't like the music, yet go to the concerts because that's where the chicks are.
Me: Shut up! That really happens?
LCG: Yep.
Me: I've seen people talk about going to Poison concerts for the chicks on I Love The Eighties, but I didn't know people actually did that. I've never thought of concerts as a big singles bar.
LCG: Hee! Remember that time that guy kissed your hand at Dio?
Me: Remember how I came running over to you all horrified and you thought it was really funny?
LCG: Hee! Yeah.
Me: Bunghole. So, Nickelback and Three Doors Down? I can see that.
LCG: Do you know who The Darkness are?
Me: Who?
LCG: The Stray Cats!
Me: YES!
LCG: They got popular by playing an earlier style of music. That's what The Darkness is trying to do.
Genius! I thought that was well observed, but Justin Hawkins is nowhere near as talented as Brian Setzer. If he has a career even half as long (and/or successful) as Brian Setzer I will be very surprised.