Sometimes people (in conversations or email) try to sneak the phrase Led Zeppelin past me to see what I say. Because once Led Zeppelin has been mentioned they feel free to ask the obvious question. The question that plagues some people for reasons beyond my understanding. That question is: "Why do you hate Led Zeppelin?" Why wouldn't I hate Led Zeppelin? That is the correct question if you ask me. I must say though, my severe allergy to Led Zeppelin (rivaled only by my allergy to Paul Di'Anno) is not the fault of Led Zeppelin. It just so happens that I was vaccinated against Led Zeppelin at a young age and now have a strong Zeppelin immunity.
Regular vaccinations give you a diluted version of, say, the flu. Then (in theory) you don't get the flu. I didn't get the diluted version of Led Zeppelin. I got an extremely large dose of Zeppelin and the side effects of my immunization include allergic reactions as well as general irritation. It is not their fault. Robert Plant didn't show up at my house to administer huge quantities of In Through The Out Door. If he had shown up at my door I would have been super pissed because that was the era of Tall Cool One and that song went through my head for the entire summer of 1988, but that is really a different story. A very short story about how much I hate Tall Cool One.
So I don't hate Led Zeppelin based on Robert Plant's solo career, although I don't think that would be unreasonable. I hate Led Zeppelin because of my high school best friend. I got so overexposed to Led Zeppelin that I'm surprised I didn't wake up one day in the late eighties wearing velvet pants and sporting a perm. (I'm not saying Mr. Plant is permed. I don't think he is. I'm just saying I would need a perm to achieve that hairstyle.)
You see, my best friend had this older brother who one day entered a Led Zeppelin phase. (Post-Tall Cool One. I'm thinking 1989.) When he had a phase, he would buy the band's entire catalog in one shot. Suddenly, my best friend had access to all of the Zep albums and felt free to make herself some tapes. So when her Zep phase started she also had all of the albums. That would have been fine if she had kept those albums to herself.
We were fourteen years old at the time and had nothing to do but talk on the phone for about three hours a day. Maybe four. My parents really should have made me get a job. All I did was talk on the phone while watching game shows and playing solitaire and talking about Guns N' Roses. In the meantime, my friend was, I don't know, experimenting with cosmetics or cleaning her room or something and playing Led Zeppelin. Over and over. And then over again.
Never once did it occur to me to get off the phone (I didn't have cable) or get off my ass and get a job (I apparently didn't have a brain in my head either) or do anything but suffer with Robert Plant caterwauling in the background. Now, I would not usually accuse Mr. Plant of caterwauling. Some people don't like his singing, but I think it suits Led Zeppelin just fine. However, when you are hearing Zeppelin over the phone when you don't want to hear Zeppelin at all, it is definitely caterwauling. Trust me.
For weeks this went on. I could sort of tune it out, but sometimes I just had to ask, "Can you play a different album? This is the third time you have played this." The answer? "Oh, it's just background noise to me. I'm not even paying attention." Uh-huh. Did I go get a job or do anything sensible? No. I just tried to ignore Led Zeppelin. It worked to a point, but to this day you could probably throw on any Led Zeppelin album and I would know every single track. Song titles? I can't help you there. Which songs are on which album? I'm even fuzzier on those particulars, but I bet I still know all the tunes.
Due to my premature exposure to Led Zeppelin I have never had a Led Zeppelin phase of my own. As far as I am concerned Led Zeppelin music isn't for enjoyment, it's to drive me insane when I am trying to have a phone conversation. Just the combination of the words Led and Zeppelin make me involuntarily glower (another side effect). But it's really not the fault of Led Zeppelin at all. I had a forced Led Zeppelin phase so I never had the opportunity to start a Led Zeppelin phase by choice.