Somehow, the members of Mötley Crüe have managed to both patch up their differences and schedule a tour. I'm assuming that they have come to some sort of truce but I really don't know for sure. This tour is only of interest to me because for a couple of years one member or another has announced that there would be a reunion tour the following summer, and then the tour never happens. Apparently it's for real this time because they already have quite a few dates booked. I won't be going to see Mötley Crüe because as it turns out, I don't care very much.
It all started earlier this month when I had four days off from work. I accomplished little to nothing during my work break, not including tasks from the following categories: snacking, going to record stores, watching TV, and napping. One day, after a particularly successful purchase (by LCG) of used video games, we somehow ended up listening to the local hard rock radio station. This station is so awful that cartoon stink lines come out of the radio whenever I tune in. How can they still have both Rooster and Spoonman in their rotation?
Anyway, there must have been nothing happening on sports talk radio or there was something going on but it was college sports. I don't dig college sports as a rule, although I was considering switching to college hockey this year because that might help me pretend there is no NHL lockout. I am in deep, deep denial about the NHL lockout. Anyway, the mere act of switching on the hard rock station provided LCG with a memory jog and that is when he gave me the latest Crüe news.
LCG: Mötley Crüe has a show booked in March.
Me: Oh, they do not.
LCG: They do! They have a new song too!
Me: Do not.
LCG: Yep. It's terrible. They're playing it constantly on this station, we should listen until we hear it.
Me: That's okay.
LCG: No, it's really bad. You have to hear it.
Me: I'll take your word for it. Do they have a new album, or just the single?
LCG: Just the single. So, do I need to get tickets?
Me: No? I mean, if you want to go I wouldn't mind going, but it's not necessary. Do we need to get tickets?
LCG: I don't want to go.
Me: Me neither. But...no. I really don't want to go.
LCG: Me neither.
Me: So they finally all made up?
LCG: I guess. I can't believe those pieces of crap are going to tour.
Me: A-hem.
LCG: Those three pieces of crap and Mick Mars.
Me: Thank you. I guess his new hip is up to touring. I wonder how long it will be before the tour falls apart.
LCG: Ha!
Me: Seriously.
LCG: I know.
Me: How long before Vince and Nikki get in a fight and someone storms off and goes home?
LCG: I thought it was Vince and Tommy that don't get along.
Me: Who knows anymore? By the end of The Dirt I couldn't keep track of who was mad at who when. What does the new song sound like?
LCG: Like Good Charlotte.
Me: SHUT UP!
LCG: It's Mötley Crüe trying to do pop-punk and it's pretty sad.
Me: I really don't need to hear that.
LCG: You have to hear it to believe it.
It's been about three weeks now and I still haven't heard it and I feel lucky. I now have at least two sources who tell me the song is terrible. When I tipped Miss E (no relation to Mr. E) off to the fact that Mötley Crüe had a tour in the works and a new song she got all giddy. She is one of today's youth who enjoys the music of my youth and she decided that she had to go see them. I said, "Whoa, hold up there youth of today. Maybe you should hear the song first." LCG had provided me with bonus information about the new single, and that bonus is that Nikki Sixx co-wrote it with the guys from Simple Plan. Ew!
I passed that info on and within a day or two I got disgruntled email back from Miss E. She had watched TV until she saw the video and was sorely disappointed. I believe she used the word sucks to describe the new song. At least it helped her make up her mind about the concert. (That's a "no.") The idea that they went the pop-punk route bums me out because when they choose to rock they can usually do a good job. I say usually because I still harbor resentment over the singles from Dr. Feelgood. That was totally the album that wouldn't go away and I got burned out on Same Ol' Situation (S.O.S.) which does not rock. It rocks more than Without You but does not rock as much as the title track. Meanwhile, LCG still harbors resentment over the Girls, Girls, Girls album because it sucks.
On the other hand, Too Fast For Love is frisky and fun and rocks very much and that album still makes me cut Mötley Crüe some slack. I (slightly) prefer Shout At The Devil but Too Fast For Love is just so darn charming. A few years ago Jeff J. got a copy of the original Leathür Records release and it's even better than the Elektra version. It's a little rougher around the edges and therefore more fun. However, all of that goodwill generated from the first two albums is not enough to make me sit through a Mötley Crüe concert. That and the part where it's technically a greatest hits tour.
LCG told me that they have a new record coming out in February, right before the tour. A "new" record. It's another Greatest Hits album which means, said LCG, "They'll pretty much be playing the Dr. Feelgood album and the new song."
Me: And Live Wire!
LCG: And......that's about it.
Me: Gross.
Speaking of gross, I just saw a commercial for the tour the other day. Do you know what it's called? The Better Live Than Dead tour. Excuse me?
Me: Better Live Than Dead? That is in such poor taste.
LCG: Mötley Crüe doing something in poor taste? That would never happen!
Me: But...Vince killed Razzle! Hey, did you hear what their most recent hits compilation was called? Music To Crash Your Car To. The surviving members of Hanoi Rocks were pissed.
LCG: I bet.
Me: And I know from the book and Behind The Music that it still bothers Vince, why do they have to put out an album with a title that is a big glaring reminder?
For some reason, when it comes to Mötley Crüe I side with Vince. After Mick Mars of course (I enjoyed his parts of The Dirt so well). I still haven't forgotten about Tommy's terrible solo album phase and I'm not a fan of Nikki Sixx. The Dirt made him seem like a big whiny complainer. Speaking of complaining, why is Mötley Crüe releasing another greatest hits album? They have the Music To Crash Your Car To thing, which is a three part anthology (two parts out so far) plus Decade Of Decadence and Greatest Hits from the late nineties. I think that Decade Of Decadence was a perfectly nice collection and they didn't need to put out another Greatest Hits, particularly since they didn't really have any hits after the release of Decade. Two was too many but three hits records plus the anthologies is ridiculous.
In spite of it all, I think the tour will be interesting. Not interesting enough for me to attend, but I certainly am looking forward to reading the news stories. Even though they are all grown up now, I don't think that Mötley Crüe will be able to stop themselves from acting like Mötley Crüe and that will make for some mighty good reading.