Over the weekend I managed to catch most of Remaking: Vince Neil on three different occasions. I never once saw the entire thing, for some reason I kept arriving five or ten minutes into the program. I was very surprised to find out the show was only an hour long special. When I first heard that Vince was going to do a makeover show for VH1 I took that to mean a makeover series. I didn't expect twelve weeks, maybe something more like six. Instead, I got Vince's twelve week makeover crammed into an hour.
In the past I have been very, very tough on Vince Neil. However, I need to say this right away: Vince didn't need plastic surgery. There was nothing happening with his face that a few non-alcoholic drinks couldn't cure. If he had treated water and fruit juice and V-8 as beverages in their own right instead of just mixers, he wouldn't have needed plastic surgery. At least, I don't think he would have needed surgery.
When I first saw Vince in person he was drunk and bloated, no doubt about that. I just assumed that the bloat was because of the liquor, and I realize he's got issues that would make almost anyone drink. I just didn't think he should be that drunk by showtime. When I saw him again last summer, he was a little stout. He was no longer sporting the telltale liquor bloat and looked much healthier, but he was a little thicker than the Vince you see in old Mötley Crüe videos. Since he had cameras there, I assumed he had started his VH1 makeover and would lose some weight with the quit drinking/working out plan I had heard about. (According to the VH1 site, the program does start at a strip mall in Minnesota.)
And then a few weeks ago, Awful Plastic Surgery (I won't link-the site may not be suitable for work depending on your place of employment) showed before and after pictures of Vince. They usually do a pretty good job of finding before and after photos that have the same facial expression and/or camera angle so it's easy to compare. Not this time. In Vince's before picture he was blond and sporting a big old grin. In the after picture his eyes are half closed and he has dark hair and is making a face that sort of makes him look like Gene Simmons. It didn't provide an ideal comparison, so I couldn't figure out what he had done. He looked a little different but a new haircut and color will do that sometimes. Then last Thursday I got a call from Joejung.
Joejung: I just saw Vince Neil getting liposuction!
Me: Eeeeeeeew!
Joejung: I saw a commercial on VH1 for his makeover show and he was getting liposuction!
Me: Did he really need that in addition to working out?
Joejung: I guess.
Me: I read somewhere that they spent in the neighborhood of eighty grand on plastic surgery for the show. I figured, well, maybe he didn't get that much done and plastic surgery is just expensive.
Joejung: Judging by the ink lines on his face he had a lot of work done.
Me: They did not show him all marked up! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
Joejung: They did!
When I finally did see the show, I had to flip channels every time they got to the surgery consultation. I don't mind seeing open heart surgery on the Discovery Channel or whichever channel it is that runs surgery shows, but cosmetic surgery means I have to go look at ESPN. Once I saw the ink lines on Vince Neil's face it was time to leave briefly. I had seen a clip of his face all bandaged up on a commercial and I didn't want to see the incident in long form.
Ignoring the surgery that he didn't need, the rest of the show was pretty good. Vince was super pleasant to the team of experts brought in to assist and he came off as a really nice guy. He seemed genuinely appreciative of all of the help he was receiving. The only time Vince seemed a little dismayed was when his new personal trainer came over to his house and threw out all of the good stuff in the kitchen. Vince actually called it the good stuff. The trainer was ridding the house of empty calories so out went the crackers and licorice. Later in the show the trainer said Vince had already (no idea what the time frame was) lost six or seven inches off his waist. Go Vince! He didn't need those snacks after all.
Even better, when it came time to choose his wardrobe for his check out the new Vince concert, the stylist chose a pair of pants that he hadn't been able to wear for awhile. Vince seemed pleased with that selection. I was pleased that he was able to fit into his old pants, and that he was so good natured during this whole thing. Well, other commentators said he was grumpy due to the not drinking part but I might have missed that when I was flipping channels. Either that or crabby Vince got edited out so he would be more likeable. It worked on me!
The one downside was when they decided to stick Vince with a famous producer in an effort to get him a new hit song. Take a moment to think about famous producers who are good with hits. That's right! My favorite nemesis! Desmond Child! Strangely enough, I saw Desmond Child and thought, "That is my nemesis?" I may have been enjoying Vince Neil and his good attitude too much to care, or it was Mr. Child's outfit that kept me from getting irate.
Last time I saw a picture of Desmond Child he was all Michael Bolton-ed up, with a blazer and a perm. In the Vince Neil show he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a white fedora-type hat (with black hatband), and hipster/dork glasses. The frames were black and chunky and I'm sure with other outfits they look hip, but with that outfit he looked like an uncle going to a barbecue. I'm starting to think I should separate Desmond Child the person from Desmond Child the evil genius/professional hitmaker, because these days he looks like he should be tossing a Frisbee in the backyard and I enjoy that.
I'm a little surprised by this potential new Desmond Child stance, but I think I'll blame Vince Neil. He was trying really hard during his makeover and that put me in a good mood. I now find myself rooting for Vince even more than I was last week. His program gave me every reason to side with him (well, him and Mick Mars) during this whole Mötley Crüe disaster-waiting-to-happen. I still think the tour will fall apart, but now I hope that Vince doesn't fall apart as well.