It's been a big twenty-four hours and things are only going to get more exciting. It all started last night when I got a text message from LCG advising me to brush up on my French. He also said some other stuff that made no sense at all and I didn't know what his point was. At first I thought his phone had been stolen but I knew that he and CEB were out at the Slipknot show (to see the two openers) consuming adult beverages.
I realized that maybe LCG's message was from LCG because why is a phone thief going to know that I speak (very basic, very poor) French? I chalked up the message as drunken ramblings from a lunatic. I sent back WHAT? (we do our texting in all caps) and shortly after that I received TORONTO AND QUEBEC. Uh-oh. I figured out where it was going. More specifically I figured out where I was going. WHAT? said I and then got back the message I was expecting. IRON MAIDEN OFF DATES!
Iron Maiden is going out on OzzFest this summer and we (me and LCG plus the occasional special guest stars CEB and Richie Cunningham) are going to go to as many shows as possible. It's not often that Iron Maiden goes on tour through the States. Two years ago the closest they came to our neighborhood was Chicago, and then six months later they did a wee tour of North America that involved New York City, Los Angeles, and a couple of nights in Canada.
I wasn't able to go to any of those but LCG went twice in New York and CEB went twice in Los Angeles and they both called me each night so I could hear Bruce Dickinson say pranced. They are good friends. Anyway, this year not only is Maiden playing OzzFest, they are also playing shows on some of their days off from the festival. Obviously we have to catch some of those shows too, and Canada is my first choice.
I very much wanted to go to the shows in Quebec City and Montreal when they went on the mini-tour for one reason. Bruce speaks French. In the most excellent Iron Maiden biography Run To The Hills, Adrian Smith said that Bruce always tried to learn a little of the language in whatever country they played. Even if he only knew a couple of sentences the crowd loved it because he made the effort.
However, I know that Bruce Dickinson has the ability to do an entire show's worth of crowd banter in French, thanks to an unauthorized concert video that LCG got from a guy we know. (Memo to Rod Smallwood: if you want the price of two 1986 concert tickets because LCG has the video I'll send you a check.) This video is from a Paris show they played in 1986 and Bruce does all of his chatting in French. All of it! "He just said the last time they played Paris they had one thousand people and now it's five thousand! I think."
So I really, really wanted to go to French speaking Canada so I could dig on Bruce Dickinson's banter. And, you know, see Iron Maiden. As of right now there is only one date in Quebec and not two but I'll take it. Except I don't really like to leave my house. I told LCG I would go because he was tipsy and there is no arguing with tipsy LCG. When I talked to him later that evening I said, "Have a good time!"
LCG: I'm not going to go to Quebec without someone who speaks French.
Me: Quebec is bilingual! The signs are in English too.
LCG: Doesn't matter.
Me: I'll teach you how to ask for the restroom. That's all you really need.
LCG: Oh, you're going.
Me: Fine. I'm going to have to go get a "learn French" LP because I can only remember how to say that I'm going to the stadium, which would actually be useful in this situation. I can also ask where is the wastebasket?
LCG: Well, you just go get that record then.
This morning I started wondering if French is still the preferred language in Quebec. I was going to present the question to my readers because I get a lot of mail from Canada. I love that because many things I enjoy are from Canada. All my favorite professional wrestlers, the Kids In The Hall, William Shatner, and (I apologize to Canadiens in advance for stereotyping) hockey.
I even spell Canadien the Canadien way because I think it looks snazzier than Canadian. And seriously, I don't know what it is but boatloads of my mail comes from Canada. Instead of asking the readers I decided to ask both EQ and CEB (because why go to a travel web site or something when I could just ask the two handiest people) and they both agreed that I should speak French. Super! I'll go get that record right away.
Of course, I'll probably end up with an album from 1960 and it will be no use to me unless I need to ask a hep cat where I can find the jazz club. I guess that will be fine if I can also get the necessary refresher course on asking directions and being polite. I remember please and thank you, I should be good to go. Other than that, I really only need to learn, "How much will it cost to ship these LPs to Minnesota?" I could also ask around to see if anyone knows why Père Noël never came through with the amp.
So I had accepted my delegated role as translator when today at lunch LCG started acting like he was doing me a huge favor by dragging me to Quebec. He was trying to work the hockey angle and I'm like, I didn't even think of that because I spent the morning trying to remember the conjugations of the common irregular verbs! So there!
Then right before I left work CEB sent me an email. The Toronto and Quebec City shows are something like three weeks apart. Gah! That is not convenient. When I talked to LCG he mentioned it and said, "I guess we'll just go to Toronto."
Me: But it's a Wednesday!
LCG: So?
Me: I've only got so much vacation time.
LCG: All the other dates are on weekends, no problem.
Me: But I wanna hear Bruce Bruce speak French! I'm buying a record! If I'm only going to one show in Canada it's going to be in Quebec.
LCG: We'll probably go to both.
Me: If it's just one it's Quebec City.
Of course, this grand plan currently hinges on things like finding reasonable airfare and what kind of vacation days I have and blah, blah, blah. I'll still be seeing Iron Maiden around the Midwest this summer but if I'm lucky I'll get to Quebec City too.